But What If...

     1800 people are gathering in Denver, Colorado for the Festival of Homiletics, a preaching conference for pastor geeks like me. At the opening worship service, I was introduced to a Lutheran, blue grass, 19 page bulletin liturgical style of worship. With clergy collars, banjo, gluten free crackers, and standing up/sitting down more times than a fitness class, pastors (among others) gathered to praise God together. 

The opening worship service was head lined by Rev. Nadia Bolz-Weber, a local celebrity known for her tattoos, tell-it-like-it-is preaching style, and New York Times best selling memoir. Even in a ten minute sermon, she did not disappoint. Using the Mark 9:30-37 passage about welcoming children, she put the passage in context by reminding us the role of children in that day. And let's just say it had nothing to do with Norman Rockwell and Ann Geddes. Children were seen as replacement adults: dirty, inconvenient, unwanted, snot nosed, not potty trained, and treated more like mongrel dogs. The disciples were arguing about who was the greatest, "like a bunch of insecure junior high boys talking smack." Jesus responds to these petty arguments by taking this dirty, messy, unwanted child and telling them they need to welcome this child as they welcome Jesus.

Bolz-Weber continued, "This could have been a lesson on radical hospitality, whatever the hell that means." But upon reflecting that a bunch of tired stressed preachers who have travelled all day were the ones listening, the message that Jesus was giving us one more thing to do just didn't seem right. But what if... What if instead of seeing ourselves as the disciples, we saw ourselves as the child: feeling misunderstood, unwanted, messy, inadequate. What if we are the dirty ones that never feel good enough.  What if the disciples were not only given the message to welcome the child, but to see themselves as a child welcomed by God. What if we as pastors saw ourselves the same way.

Pastors too feel small, scared, with no ability to make themselves worthy, like the children of Jesus' day. But what if...God welcomes that part of us just as much as the competent, faithful part of ourselves. What if we didn't have to hide our pettiness, our insecurities, our short comings, our messiness, because we knew we were accepted, welcomed, and loved by a God who enfolds that which is filthy and helpless into God's forgiveness and grace.

Then pastors could be honest and vulnerable, standing among the congregation instead of above them. Then preaching could be just as much Good News to the preacher as the congregation. Then we might step out from the curtain of competence that hides our insecurities. Then we might really experience words like grace, unconditional love, surrender.

What if we were all just dirty, unwanted, messy, inadequate children. And what if God welcomes and loves us anyway.